Marriage is Sacred – Part IV Keys to an Enduring Marriage Ephesians 4:17-32 Introduction This past week I was listening to a Public Radio station. The British host was discussing whether or not marriage is an outdated institution. Some people answered in the affirmative and some people said no — it will always be with us. I only listened for a short time, but I was surprised that the view of marriage which dominated the radio discussion was so secularized. There was no reference to God in this program. According to the Judeo-Christian Scriptures, marriage is God’s idea and not man’s. God created marriage; man did not invent it. God invites and calls a man and a woman to marriage according to His Word: Genesis 2:24 tells us, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh." Marriage will always be with us in this present age because God has decreed it. In Matthew 5:18, Jesus declares: "I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished." A human society disrespects and discards marriage at its own peril. It is like kicking against the goads — against a heavy piece of iron. Human cultures which belittle and try to trash the God- ordained institution of marriage will only sound the death knell to their own well-being. We are to value and honour what God has called into being. In Matthew 19:4-6, we discover, not surprisingly, that Jesus valued marriage. Let’s read our Lord’s words on it. Beginning at verse 3: "Some Pharisees came to him (Jesus) to test him. They asked, "is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?" "Haven’t you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."" When God designed marriage, He meant it to last to the very end of this present age. And when He calls a man and woman together as husband and wife, He desires for the marital union to be lifelong. But it doesn’t take a brilliant sociologist to know that marriage seems to be a 50-50 proposition in our culture. But why is this the case? I strongly believe that the problem doesn’t lie with the institution of marriage but with the fact that many people don’t pay much attention to the owner’s manual — the Bible. I want to share 6 keys from God’s Word for an enduring marriage. First of all, 1. An Enduring Marriage is Built on the Foundation of a Good Beginning. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) Before life-long cleaving (or joining together) can occur between a husband and wife, there needs to be a clear leaving (from the parents of both).
son or daughter’s relationship changes with their parents — both psychologically and emotionally. |
support their married children in different ways. But there does need to be a releasing of mom’s apron strings in a very real sense.A husband or wife can’t run to mom or dad at the first sign of a conflict in the new marriage. A mom or dad should not meddle needlessly in the marriage of their child . . . or always take the side of their child. A new marriage is like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. The butterfly must be allowed to struggle out of the cocoon on its own. If we try to help it out by snipping away at the cocoon, the butterfly would emerge deformed. It is in the very process of fighting its way out that it develops its strength to live as a butterfly. Similarly, if parents get too involved in their children’s marriage, the marriage will not develop its own strength. An enduring marriage is built on a good beginning. Secondly, 2. An Enduring Marriage will Cultivate a Spirit of Forgiveness. ""In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." (Ephesians 4:26, 27) Conflict in marriage is inevitable. Conflict is not bad in and of itself. It is how we deal with it that will determine the strength and health of a marriage. Verse 26 is especially applicable to a couple. "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." This is a golden key to a healthy and growing marriage. It is one of the best weedkillers you can use against the roots of bitterness and resentment. We need God’s grace to put it into practice. We need the help of God’s Spirit. Note Ephesians 5:18 and its proximity to the passage on marriage in Ephesians 5:21-33. "Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit." This brings us to key #3: 3. An Enduring Marriage will be Sensitive to Words Which Tear Down. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Ephesians 4:29) These words apply to all Christians in all of our relationships but how especially important it is for a husband and wife to treat each other this way. Our words, feelings and actions toward our spouse day-after-day have an accumulative effect of either building each other up, or tearing each other down. Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." And Proverbs 12:18 reads, "Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." A life-long union is cultivated when a husband and wife are sensitive to the words they use with each other. Words and attitudes of sarcasm, ridicule and cynicism are weeded out diligently in a strong marriage. 4. An Enduring Marriage is Maintained with Good, Steady Communication. This key is related to Ephesians 4:26. ("In your anger do not sin...") Differences need to be talked out in the open. This is a habit and skill developed over time. Good honest communication is one of the most important elements of marriage. It is absolutely vital if close companionship is to develop between a husband and wife. For example, a husband and wife need to learn to talk about their finances and agree about how they are going to operate in this area. |
As well, a husband and wife need to be open and comfortable to talk about their sexual relationship with each other. Communication is probably the most important factor in this area of their marriage. Per-marital counselling with the marrying pastor is so vital because it gets couples talking in areas like finances, sexuality and relationships with in-laws at an early stage. 5. An Enduring Marriage will Cultivate Romance on an Ongoing Basis. This is especially important to keep in mind when children come along. The priority relationship in the family is the husband-wife relationship. It is the first human relationship God created. It is also the relationship that was there first — before the children joined the family. Regular date nights, and an occasional weekend away are great ways to cultivate romance on an ongoing basis in the marriage relationship. Mom and Dad need space and time when they are simply husband and wife to each other. "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) Not only does spending time alone together strengthen the marriage relationship, it also strengthens Mom and Dad to be better parents. Finally, and most importantly, 6. An Enduring Marriage has Jesus Christ at the Centre of it. The greatest power at work in the universe is the Resurrected Lord Jesus Christ. "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." ( Philippians 3:20-21) When it comes right down to it, the greatest force fragmenting marriages is human selfishness. The biggest problem is the human heart. But Jesus can subdue and defeat our selfishness as we look to Him and grow in our fellowship and worship of Him. A Christian marriage is like a triangle — where God is at the top point and the husband and wife are at the two bottom points — As we each grow closer to Jesus, we grow closer to one another. Praying together is an important part of this. Conclusion
Written By: Pastor John Neposlan _______________________________ |
| MARRIAGE IS SACRED |
cocoon. The butterfly must be allowed to struggle out of the cocoon on its own. If we try to help it out by snipping away at the cocoon, the butterfly would emerge deformed. It is in the very process of fighting its way out that it develops its strength to live as a butterfly." |
| Heaven's Saints M/M Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
| JESUS IS LORD |
